Final Days of PhD: A Self-Reflection
For the past 6 years, I’ve been a MSc/PhD student in the Physics and Astronomy Department at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada. Next month I’ll defend my thesis, and move to Baltimore, MD to begin working as a postdoctoral fellow at Johns Hopkins University. I find that big life transitions like this are good times to reflect. On top of this, my current department asked me to write a profile piece for the annual newsletter, so I thought I’d take it as an opportunity to reflect back on my experiences and what brought me to this career in researching the origins of life. I’ve pasted that piece into the blog post below, I hope you enjoy it!
Ben K. D. Pearce, McMaster University 2021
I started getting curious about astronomy and the night sky in my mid-twenties during a “self-realization” year I spent living in Berlin. I’m not the person who always knew what he wanted to do, it took a lot of trying things out and reflecting on those experiences to learn what I need out of a career.
Ben living in Germany, April 2012
My first major career was in software engineering. After high school, I got a BSc at the University of Calgary and worked for a few different tech firms in my early- to mid-twenties. These jobs paid me a lot of money, which I thought would make me happy, but actually, I was quite unhappy - and possibly depressed. I drank every night, gained 50 lbs, and agonized every morning when my alarm went off knowing I had to go to work. What I know now, is that these jobs didn’t meet my personal needs for fulfillment in a career; but I’m grateful for these experiences, because they helped me figure out what those needs were.
Number 1: I need to learn. Learning for me is joy - it really gets my blood pumping. If I don’t get the opportunity to learn in my job, I feel stagnant, unexcited and disinterested.
Number 2: I need to feel that the work I do is important and valued. For example, this is constantly satisfied in academia through publications, conferences, awards, funding, and outreach. This was not satisfied in the industry jobs I had. I felt completely replaceable and no one seemed to care very much about the contributions I was making.
Number 3: I need to have the freedom to listen to my heart. For example, if my heart is pulling me in a particular research direction, I need the freedom to explore it. I do not enjoy being told, “just do what the boss says.”
Learning these core career needs about myself is why I went back to school and got a BSc in Astronomy from UBC. It’s also why I’m now at McMaster, and why I chose a career in academia. My heart brought me to astrobiology, and my supervisor Ralph Pudritz gave me the freedom to explore my passion and provided constant kindling to my flame. I’ll be forever thankful for his mentorship.
Ralph and Ben enjoying tropical beverages. Washington, DC, April 2018.
Ben (third from the left) and Ralph (fourth from the left) during PNAS Cozzarelli Prize photo shoot in Washington DC. April 2018.
The biggest highlight of my time at McMaster was undoubtedly winning the PNAS Cozzarelli prize in 2017 for my MSc research. We were presented this award at the National Academy of Sciences in Washington, DC, which was truly a humbling and fulfilling experience.
This fall I’ll be starting a Banting Postdoctoral Fellowship in the lab of Prof. Sarah Hörst at Johns Hopkins University, where I’ll be doing experiments to simulate different stages of the origin of life. This is a new twist on my largely theoretical background which will involve a lot of learning (satisfying my number 1 core need above!)
I look forward to continuing along the academic career path, as long as my three core needs continue to be met. But I also continue to grow and change in my needs, and am open to alternate paths and opportunities. For instance, I have a “big hairy audacious goal” to go to space some day. This is something my heart has pulled me towards for years, and I won’t be able to push it aside forever as long as this feeling remains.
A journey’s end. Ben canoeing at Lake Noganosh Provincial Park, Ontario. July 2021