Another relationship bites the dust - here's what I learned

It’s always tempting to think of a relationship ending as a “failure.” But as long as you learned from the experience, it really isn’t a failure at all. How else are we to recognize our person when we meet them if we don’t go through trials with the wrong people?

I’ve had quite a few trials. You could say it’s the scientist in me. But in all honestly, it’s because I’ve had some growth to do. This post is about my latest trial, which fed me a true piece of karma. I have to laugh a bit. It’s not often that you get a taste of your own medicine.

Rewind the clock back to 2013, I met this woman at a wedding. We were both in the wedding party, and we clicked instantly. I remember people saying that they thought we had been dating for years, when really we had just met. She was the person who showed me the movie that inspired me to become vegan, the first woman I lived with, and the first woman that I saw myself marrying. I really loved her. But, she was incessantly unhappy in our relationship, and at the time I couldn’t understand why.

The important piece of information that I haven’t shared yet is that just prior to us starting to date, I had discovered my passion for astronomy and astrobiology and I was prioritizing everything that would further my ability to make a career out of it. This isn’t to say that I didn’t make time for her. I loved spending time with her. But it was clear to her and me and everyone else the ordering of my priorities. At the time, my focus was furthering my education so I could go to grad school and research this stuff. It was, I thought, my true calling in life. Her priority, on the other hand, was to build a life with me.

I no longer believe in the idea of a true calling in life, by the way. It makes it sound like there is a career out there that will make you feel 100% fulfilled all the time. What a load of shit that is. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but I no longer use such dramatic language to describe it. Sometimes I hate my job too, and that’s normal.

Fast-forward to 2021, I meet an incredible woman on Bumble. She’s smart, beautiful, self-assured, selfless, and, a surgeon! But, here’s where the karma kicks in. Her career is her priority, and it feels like it always will be. The important thing I realized in my experience dating her for 6 months, is what it feels like to be with someone who doesn’t make your relationship a priority. And boy does it feel lonely. Lonely when you’re not with them, and lonely when you’re with them and their mind is still at work. I have so much empathy for what my ex went through with me all those years ago.

This was a powerful lesson for me, and I’m so thankful for this relationship. I got clarity on what I want. And that’s to fall head over heels in love with someone, someday, and to have our relationship be my number one priority.